So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
