I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
