i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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