im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
