it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
