Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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