Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize