I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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