I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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