i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
