im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
