Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
