I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize