he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize