That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
one might say we're banned from that church
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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