when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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