Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
