so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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