Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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