The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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