yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
