The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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