I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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