Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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