Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
