My sheets look like a crime scene.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's shark week go big or go home
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize