It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I stole a fireplace last night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
