when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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