they need to just BURY HIM!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
