Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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