Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
