How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
