It's Friday. Sex?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
