dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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