you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
