Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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