he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
