no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
