Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
