omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
