grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
