i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
