When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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