Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
