Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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