it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
