quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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