Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
