I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
