the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
