I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
