After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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