Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
