you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
