I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
