Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
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