On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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