that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
