ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I AM VODKA MAN
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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