I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im having a threesome with these popsicles
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Youβre welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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