So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
