New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You took a bar mat shot.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
