The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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