Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
