I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize