So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
