just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
