Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
