toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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