well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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