I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize