do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
