if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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