speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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