I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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