he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
